Have you ever raced with a toddler? Albeit tiring, we all remember running with slow-motion strides, pretending to be weaker and much slower than Mr. Three-year-old. Playing the game and allowing his short legs to outrun you to the finish line, can be fun and a rewarding experience in bonding with a little one.
Sometimes, adults have the same need for attention, to feel important, or to win. But look at how differently we deal with our peers. When someone tells a story of his or her achievements, what is the first reaction of friends or colleagues? That’s it – they try to improve on it, relating their tales of success and heroism.
It is only the mature and confident person who can share in another person’s joy and accomplishments, without the need of chipping the other one to the post. Instead of adding: “Do you know what happened to me?” in response, an empathic listener would ask: “Tell me more!”
The next time somebody tells you a story about something he or she experienced, try to suppress the urge to tell your own story. I know, it is human to go off on a tangent about something that happened to you, but this makes the other person feel deflated. Surrender your own need for attention and if needs be, bite your tongue, particularly if your story is more spectacular.
Try to let the other person win – as you would have done with a toddler. React from your inner confidence and peace and simply say “That is wonderful!” or ask him to elaborate on his story. Read his face and his body language and see what happens when you let him win. You might just get rewarded with the same warmth and gratitude for an innocent victory because you made him feel important enough to be heard.
