In life there are lots of rules, regulations and laws. Most of us try to abide by these in order to stay out of trouble and because it is the right thing to do. Most rules are easy to abide by and you know the consequences of what could happen should you ignore them.
A good example would be the traffic rules and regulations. You know you have to stop at a red light. If you don’t, there might be a horrible accident.
There are also another set of rules that everyone lives by. Let’s call it your personal morale code. That includes your manners, integrity, work etiquette, what you will allow and not allow to be done and said in your home, car, office etc.
The problem arises with the fact that not everybody’s morale code is the same. What might be a non-negiotable action for you, can be a normal activity for somebody else. Through religion and culture into this mix, and you really have a lot of rules and regulations that can be rather confusing to follow.
How do you know what is the right thing to do?
Life would be easier if everybody at least abide by the law and their own morale set of rules. But, they don’t. Crime, for one, is high in our country. People break the law every day by stealing, killing, vandalising, raping, hi-jacking and a bunch of other crimes. The Police and Courts are there to sort them out.
The morale dilemma comes in when you have to deal with a situation where trust has been broken. Your life partner cheats on you. You discover that your business partner has been dealing behind your back or that people that you have trusted with information or money have mislead you.
What do you do?
Many people were raised believing that you should always turn the other cheek, give people the benefit of the doubt, trust, believe, help out and resolve issues as amiable as possible. Unfortunately, not everybody appreciates this attitude. Instead of resolving problems they will keep on walking over you, making the problems worse… mostly for you, while they seems like they are getting away with being scally.
At what point then, do you stop being the nice guy, and put your foot down? For you cannot let people walk all over you. Somewhere you have to take action to protect yourself, your business, your family and your assets.
You have to do what is right, without taking revenge.
Say for instance, your life partner has cheated on you. The first time, he/she said they were sorry, you went for counselling, you forgave him/her and worked on your relationship. Then they cheat again…How many times you go through the process are up to you, but somewhere along the line you have to realize that history is repeating itself and you have to do something to protect yourself from further hurt and harm. That’s when you file for a divorce. But… The right thing would be to take only what is fair in posessions and alimony. Revenge would be to take your previous lover to the cleaners. Get the best lawyer and make sure they don’t have anything left when you are done with them.
Revenge only leave people angry, hurt and bitter. You should aim to always resolve a situation with a clean conscience. No matter how much you feel betrayed or hurt, you cannot let your emotions rule your actions.
In any given situation follow these 10 steps:
- Remove yourself, if possible, from the situation to calm down first. Take your time to think through what has happened.
- Talk to your mentors, those people you really trust and look up to, for guidance and insight
- Draw up an action plan, do you have to see a specialist, for instance a lawyer to sort out the problem?
- Only when you are calm and have a plan of action, make contact with the other party again and set up a time to discuss the problem, be that only the two of you or with your lawyers present.
- You can also get a third uninvolved party to chair the meeting and to ensure that both parties act fairly.
- Only take action steps against the other party in order to resolve a problem and to get compensation for any losses suffered
- Do not try to break the other person, either financially or emotionally
- Forgive the other person, no matter what he/she did and then move on. (If you don’t forgive them, they will become a burden that you drag along emotionally for the rest of your life.) Forgive and set yourself free.
- Move on. Start over. Carry on with your life, your dreams, your objectives. See what has happened as an obstacle on your road to success and a lesson from which you have learned.
- For all future partnerships, business transactions and relationships always remember to protect yourself from the start by doing things the right way. Get those written contracts in place. What seems like an expensive hazzle now, can safe you a lot of trouble in the future.
