In a perfect world we would all get along and there would be no power-hunger bullies trying to make our lives difficult. Bullying doesn’t stop when you leave school. Most bullies just go on bullying, be that on a different level. Bullying among adults is far more dangerous than among children, for it’s not always that obvious.
It takes on various forms from subtle cattiness to sarcasm and ways to manipulate and control their victims emotionally. These adult bullies usually have some form of power or authority over their victims. Be it as a supervisor, a manager or an employer. Worse are the bullies encountered in a marriage or even among friends. I’m not even talking about physical abuse, but about the more subtle ways of breaking another person down, through constant criticism, sarcasm, and threats.
Don’t forget about the most dangerous adult bully of them all, the passive-aggressive manipulators. On the surface they usually look like the “victims” but in reality they are the ones using fake humility and that “hurt tone of voice” to send everyone around them on a guilt trip of note, ensuring that they get exactly what they want, when they want it and with the added bonus of making sure they are able to chip away at their victims’ self-esteem just a tad more.
How to deal with adult bullies?
You don’t have to deal with being bullied in a relationship. Someone who manipulates you is not your friend. You don’t need such negativity in your life.
If you are in a romantic relationship or marriage with a narcissist manipulator, seek professional help. Urgently!
Unfortunately, you cannot always get away from a manipulator at work. What you can do is to learn not to react. “Bullies win when you’re upset.” — NCAB.
According to Psychology Today: “A common characteristic of bullies is that they project their aggression to push your buttons and keep you off balance. By doing so, they create an advantage from which they can exploit your weaknesses.
If you are required to deal with an adult bully, one of the most important rules of thumb is to keep your cool. The less reactive you are to provocations, the more you can use your better judgment to handle the situation. Some bullying scenarios may require a strong and assertive response, while others may be handled simply with you being unimpressed. Either way, keep your cool when you approach the situation. Maintain superior composure.”
Make sure you have a mentor or trusted friend that you can talk to, to ensure that you can vent your feelings. Don’t be afraid to report abuse in the workplace. In South Africa, the Labour Relations Act really protects employees on all levels.
Learn to be more assertive and resilient. Remember, that the manipulators and bullies are the ones with the real problems, it’s not your fault!
