There is a reason it is often referred to as a disease – the disease to please. And because the so-called Pleasers make others’ lives easier with their permanent willingness to serve or to pick up the tab, no one wants them to change – or to see the light.
People pleasers often do not know that they are putting themselves out for people that do not feature on their VIP list. They are so conditioned into believing that it is their job to keep everybody happy, that they don’t stop to think about the truth of this statement. Perhaps they were raised with the idea that to be accepted by all, means being the “Nice Girl” or “Nice Guy”, without realising the price one has to pay for not being your authentic self.
Good manipulators or old-fashioned users could easily make you believe that you should be available to them with your time, advice, or knowledge, simply because you are a NICE person. Because you are known to be clever, helpful, and kind, does not mean that you have to allow the world access to your precious time, expertise, or privacy at the drop of a hat.
Have you made time to revisit your personal VIP list – that is, naming the people who are Very Important or count in your life for sound and health reasons? Have you split this list into high- and low-priority people?
One way of determining who belongs where is to ask yourself a few questions:
- Do I dread or do I look forward to spending time with this person?
- Why am I including this person in my invite list to a special party? Is it because I want him or her there, or because I don’t want to hurt his or her feelings?
Perhaps the time has come for you to set clearer boundaries as to who you allow into your inner circle. Just like nobody owes you anything, you certainly do not owe anyone but yourself, inclusion into your sacrosanct space. Prune your VIP list and colour it the colours of your private rainbow.
