There is an old Mexican proverb: “They thought they buried us; they didn’t know we were seeds.” The meaning of this age-old saying is obvious – when you are covered in dirt, see how you can grow out of it.
No-one in his right mind chooses pain or suffering. We seldom have a say in what life throws at us. There are times when we bring the pain over ourselves. But that is not the issue. What counts is what you do with it and how you choose to build your character in the process.
The intrepid Winston Churchill said: Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts. And that is the key to learning from hardship.
Although people go through hardship and suffering in different ways, we can learn from past survivors how to tackle life challenges that will most likely come our way. Life happens and whether you go through the pain yourself or need to support a loved one, it takes skill and understanding to deal with hardship.
One should never deny the initial feelings of pain and anxiety. By telling yourself that what you are going through is traumatic and that you are allowed to feel out of control, angry or tearful, is the first step in validating yourself. However, keep reminding yourself that this feeling is not permanent and will also pass.
Try to identify role models who have gone through severe hardship and find out what helped them through their ordeals. These could be historic figures (like Holocaust survivors or people who changed the world like Martin Luther King Jnr) or people you know. Research their writings or ask those you know what had helped them through their pain. Try to apply their truths to your own situation.
Surround yourself with good people and try to find a group or individuals that would uplift and support you. If possible, find a therapist or a compassionate friend. Be aware of the stories you tell yourself during your time of recovery. Write down your inner dialogue and identify all the negative judgements of yourself – rephrase these into hopeful language.
Look back on your trauma and discover your own inner power. If this works for you, write it down in a journal. If ever you have to go through another life challenge, refer to your journal and remind yourself: “I have been here…”
