Do you know the term “Impostor Syndrome”? I came across it when reading up on studies about self-confidence. Apparently, up to 80% of people have (at least once in their life) felt the fear of being found out that they are not as clever, talented, successful, or even Christian as people think they are.
Here are some of the typical signs that you may be suffering from this syndrome:
- You often feel that you are not good enough
- You are nervous that someone will discover that you are deficient and phony
- You often reject praise from others and down-play your achievements
- You always have to maintain higher standards than the ones other people strive towards
- You procrastinate and avoid situations so that others won’t “discover that you are a fraud”
- You often make self-deprecating jokes
- You truly believe that your successes are because of outside influences or luck only
- You work more and more in an effort to feel less unworthy
- You feel like you don’t belong in your job or social groups as you perceive yourself as less accomplished than your colleagues, friends and/or family
The typical advise for people who wish to overcome such debilitating – and frankly, unnecessary – feelings, include positive self-talk and keeping a journal of all your successes so that facts can triumph over feelings. Seems like good and solid advice to me. So why do so many people still struggle?
Perhaps, we should take a different route. Or, rather, adopt a different perspective. What if feeling like an impostor can be just one of your many traits as a Yappy Yellow, Raving Red, Groovy Green or Brilliant Blue person?
The thing with this Impostor Syndrome is that it tends to take over your whole life and personality. The more one denies it and fights against it with positive affirmations and facts over feelings, the stronger it seems to grow. A typical case of “what you resist will only persist”.
I am not a psychologist, but I do know temperaments and I have seen the healing people experience once they truly know and understand their unique strong and weak traits. What if feeling like an impostor is but one of the traits you learn to acknowledge and manage better?
It can certainly trick you into believing false things about yourself and is definitely negative. But it can also be a hidden blessing. How? By teaching you uncomfortable things about yourself, while simultaneously inviting you to find more self-acceptance and grow as a person.
What if it is but one of many knots you need to untangle so that you can become the person God created you to be? What if feeling like a phony guides you to learn more about your hidden goodness and talents as you increase your self-knowledge?
Another question you can ask yourself is: “What inconvenient truth might Impostor Syndrome be presenting me that I now have the rare opportunity to work on with the help of the Holy Spirit?” This will help you discover the root cause of those pesky feelings of being a fake, and prevent them from growing stronger and becoming true forces of destruction.
This process of discovery can become very triggering, so be gentle with yourself and consider working with a therapist or psychologist. If you are comfortable doing self-help and self-growth on your own, here are a few suggestions to face the pain, name it and feel it:
- Make notes (yes, write in a journal) on when and how you feel like an impostor
- Describe your behaviour, emotions and thought patterns during these times in detail
- Go into depth examining all the missed opportunities it has created
You must do this work to move through the discomfort and hurt. You can’t just “get over” negative emotions and experiences. The more you know what your Impostor Syndrome feels like, where it comes from and how it manifests in your life, the more you will realise that it is a pattern and not your complete identity.
There is so much more to you than this “impostor”. Let’s say you often have to organise events just because you are a popular “Yellow person”. But you feel extremely inadequate doing it. Consider asking for help and delegating the more rigid work to others who love doing it.
Maybe you are always strong and optimistic, but after the death of a loved one, you feel lost. You feel like you should know what to do, but you don’t and Impostor Syndrome kicks in. What if you were not a phony, but rather a Red person who needs to learn and practice emotional intelligence when dealing with grief?
Perhaps you are not a fake person when you feel like you cannot speak in front of a group for fear of being called out as “fake”. Perhaps, you are a Green introvert who – when situations demand it – presents themself as Yellow and afterwards goes back to their true Green selves.
And perhaps you are a perfectionist because you were born with a Blue temperament and not because you want to prove that you are worthy. Perhaps you can stop striving for zero defects because you realise that learning how to fall and get up again is not only normal, but something you need to discover for yourself. Doing so makes you a real person, and not an impostor.
Break the cycle and start owning who you are with confidence!
