Have you ever had an uneasy, unwelcome feeling in the middle of your gut?
Something happened – recently or long ago – and you cannot get rid of the feelings of anger and disappointment that keeps popping up every time you think back on the incident. You had no control over the event and although you thought that you have worked through it, the memory keeps haunting you.
There is a handy acronym that could help you work through these emotions: RAID. Although you cannot change what has happened to you, you can do something about the effect it had and still has on you, by going through the following routine:
R for RECOGNISE. Every change and every healing process starts with awareness. Acknowledge your feelings and try to name them one by one. Remember that we are complex beings and seldom experience emotion in isolation. Expand your emotional vocabulary and allow yourself to recognise each feeling.
A for ACCEPTING both what had happened and each emotion that was triggered in the process. There is a saying that you can only heal what you can feel. Once you have accepted that these feelings were real and permissible, you can start dealing with them.
I for INVESTIGATE. It is now time to delve deeper and ask the important WHY question. Especially why you reacted in the way you did – where the emotions come from, what they were linked to, and why you were hurt or upset by them. Often adult emotions are linked to early childhood experiences of disappointment or rejection and it is important to explore these memories.
D for DISTANCING yourself from the feeling. The final step is to remind yourself that you are not identified or controlled by your emotions or reactions. You are still you. By distancing yourself from the feelings and the event, you can redefine what is important and unimportant for you.
Your value and belief system is what ultimately pulls you through crises and challenges. You might not have control over your immediate circumstances, but you can control your thoughts, your actions, and reactions.
Next time you are challenged by people or events, try the RAID routine!
