We pride ourselves in our multi-tasking abilities. How many times were you working on a document on your computer while talking to someone else on the phone? Where was your attention? On the document or on the person talking to you?
Then there are the times when someone is standing right beside you speaking to you. You hear what he is saying, but in your mind, you are already formulating what you are going to say. Thus, you are not really listening at all, you are only preparing for a war of words. Needless to say, such an approach usually leads to an argument where someone wants to win at all cost.
To cut unnecessary arguments and conflict situations in your life, you should start practicing good listening skills.
5 Tips to be a better listener
1. Pay attention
Give the person who is talking to you your full attention, be that in person or on the phone. If you are talking in person look him/her in the eyes. Focus on what he/she is saying and do not let your mind wander.
2. No interruptions
Give the other person a chance to tell his/her side of the story or his/her perception of the facts. Don’t interrupt. Nobody likes it when another person interrupts them. Concentrate on what the person is telling you without thinking of counter-arguments.
3. Acknowledge that you are listening
Nod your head. Take notes if necessary. Keep your facial expressions neutral and your body language relaxed. Don’t look as if you are about to attack or as if you are bored.
4. Ask clarifying questions
Examples of clarifying questions and statements are:
- Could you please give me an example of that?
- Tell me a little more about that.
- I’m not sure I understand you correctly, please explain it to me.
- Do you have some more thoughts on this?
5. Don’t hijack the story
Give the other person a chance to tell the story as he/she sees fit. Never listen just to respond. It is far better to ask for a few moments to think about something before you just say whatever comes to your mind first. Learn to pause and think before you respond. By doing this you will learn how to control your own impulsive behaviour as well as any tendencies you might have of judging others.
By listening instead of just hearing you can prevent a lot of conflict situations and you will find it easier to resolve arguments.
