Somewhere in our youth, we have learned that self-criticism is the way to self-improvement. I don’t buy into that any longer.
Don’t get me wrong. I believe in constructive criticism as much as I believe in growth and a commitment to the never-ending process of personal development. But when one’s internal critic becomes a negative force in your life, I believe that the time has come to take stock of who you are and where you are heading.
Many people equate success to achievement, telling themselves that the sum of their life achievements make up who they are. Wrong – terribly wrong. Often those who love you and have high hopes for you, believe that giving you the message that “you-can-do-better”, is a motivating force. But, growing up with this kind of motivation, only leads to self-rejection and a lack of self-love.
There are many sad cases of children who strived for a parent’s love, recognition, and acceptance through performance at school. They perceive themselves as good enough only when they achieve good results or make the first team. Gifted children and self-drivers become stressed youngsters and grow into over-stressed adults, permanently chasing an elusive goal. They easily subscribe to the misconception that one can never arrive – that you can never be good enough because there is always room for improvement.
The day you stop defining yourself in terms of your achievements, is the day that you gain control over your internal voices. That is also the day when you rewrite your definitions of success, happiness, and fulfillment. That is when you start embracing your own and others’ imperfections and vulnerability, letting go of trying to be perfect. Only then can you give and receive love and gratitude, compassion and connection with people and yourself.
