A young man allegedly murdered two high school girls. One of them was his former girlfriend. Another young man was just found guilty of murdering his own parents. Youngsters going on killing sprees in American schools have many times shocked the world.
What makes someone just snap like that? In most cases, neighbours and family members would say they didn’t expect the person to do it all. While I am not qualified as a criminologist to really give in-depth answers, I do wonder what contribution the way that they were brought up had on their final outbursts? It might be nothing at all, but I have met so many unhappy people in my career who was struggling with childhood baggage that I tend to think there might be a correlation.
People tend to forget that not all children are the same. You are born with your temperament intact, inherited as a combination from all your grandparents’ temperaments. If you really know the temperaments, which I always refer to as Popular Yellow, Powerful Red, Peaceful Green and Perfect Blue, you will be able to identify even a baby’s temperament.
What happens if you have a mixture of temperaments in one house?
The problem arises when a child’s temperament differs completely from his/her parents’ temperaments. Dad might be a Powerful Red with strong leadership abilities who tend to lord over everybody. He rules his company, wife and children with an iron fist. He doesn’t allow any back talk. It’s his way or no way at all. Mom might be a Peaceful Green. She hates conflict and therefore just goes along with everything her husband wants. Their son is a Perfect Blue. He loves to be alone. He is an introvert. The world is a bit of a gloomy place to him. He struggles with the big questions in life.
Takes everything personally and holds a grudge forever.
If someone doesn’t step in and help this family to see that they should acknowledge their differences, work on their weak points and build on their strong points, somewhere along the line they are in for some major trouble.
The Perfect Blue son might even try to change his temperament in order to be accepted by his father. Putting on a Yellow mask and forever trying to be the clown while he is slowly dying on the inside.
It is possible for the different temperaments to get on fairly well together if they acknowledge their differences and give everybody the opportunity to grow inside his/her own temperament, but sometimes this doesn’t happen at all.
What happens if one child is the obvious favourite?
Things can get even more complicated if there are more than one child in a house where people don’t acknowledge differences in personalities. What if Dad’s one son, let’s call him Peter, is a total disappointment to him? He doesn’t like sports. He doesn’t like to go fishing. He detests getting his hands dirty and prefers to study quietly in his room listening to classical music. Dad thinks he is “unmanly”, but he is so proud of his other son, because his other son, John Jnr, is just like him.
Wherever he goes he takes John Jnr with him. The one who excels in sport, loves fishing and is one day going to take over the business. Dad starts to practically ignore Peter unless he can criticise him and give him “advise” such as “Man up. Why do you always have your nose in a book? Why do you listen to all that classical stuff?”
On the surface, Peter might seem to just take it all in his stride continuing with his books and music, but underneath the silence, a whole lot of unpleasant and negative feelings are brewing. By the time he is 18, should someone care to ask, but no one does, he would tell them he hates his father and his brother. In fact, he hates his mother too, because she never stood up for him. Never defended him. Never asked how he was feeling about all this. What if Peter’s festering feelings should one day all come to the surface at once and in a blind fury he grabs a knife or his dad’s firearm… The results could be devastatingly tragic.
I firmly believe that the world would be a better place if only…
Everyone knows who they are. If everyone knew their own temperaments and what their strong and weak points are and are willing to acknowledge and work on their weak points, then there would be much less conflict in life.
- People acknowledge the fact that everybody is unique and has a purpose in life
- People would realize that one temperament is not better than the others. All the temperaments have strong points, and all have them have weak points.
- People would accept the fact that only if all the temperaments come together everything will work as it should.
- We grant everybody their place in the sun
- We start reaching out to those around us
- We stop taking people for granted
- We would make the time to listen to our children, help them, nurture and support them all in an equal way.
If only…
