10 Thinking Styles hindering positive thoughts and growth

Joyce Meyer said: “You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind.” Sometimes it’s hard to have a positive mindset, to be resilient, to see the good and to look on the bright side of life. Do you feel it’s easier for others to think positively? Maybe it’s because you have a “faulty” thinking style.

Fortunately, it can be rectified, but it’s important to know how you are thinking. When you realise where you are going wrong, it’s so much easier to concentrate on setting things right, and you will have more control over how you react emotionally to a situation.

Let’s look at the top 10 thinking styles that get in the way of personal growth and the continuous development of your emotional intelligence.

This is extreme thinking that can lead to extreme emotions and behaviours. This is when you have no in-between. You either hate it or love it. Something is perfect or a total disaster. This thinking style can sabotage goal-directed behaviour. An alternative style to implement would be both-and reasoning. This is where you acknowledge that life is not a case of being either a success or a failure. You can both assume that you’re an okay person as you are and strive to change. Don’t expect simple solutions, obvious answers and clear-cut results in everything. Life is more complex than that. We need to learn to live with the “in-betweenness” of uncertainty.

Some people apply a mental filter to their thoughts when they only pay attention to certain types of evidence. They will, for example, only notice their own failures, but they don’t see their own successes. Don’t fall into this type of thinking as it can be detrimental for your self-worth. Always remember life is like a coin, with everything and anything there are two sides. You cannot make decisions if you only focus on half of the facts.

There are two key types when it comes to jumping to conclusion thinking. The first is called mind reading. That is when we imagine that we know what others are thinking. You know the scenario, two people are arguing and suddenly the one says to the other: “You didn’t say it, but I know that’s what you are thinking!” The other person really doesn’t stand a chance with that type of reasoning. Fact is, you can’t read minds. You might think you know what another person is thinking, but you can’t know for sure.

The other type is Fortune Telling… that is jumping to conclusions by telling the future. Wow, if only we really had such superpowers. But, we don’t. So be careful to not think ahead of what you think an outcome would be or how people would react.

Assuming that because we feel a certain way that we think must be true. Relying too heavily on your feelings as a guide leads you off the reality path. When you spot emotional reasoning taking over your thoughts take a step back and ask yourself how you would view the situation if you were feeling calmer. Give yourself time to allow your feelings to subside.

Many people step into this thinking trap when they assign labels to themselves and other people. That is when you call someone “useless” because of one mistake, or when you call something “totally unfair” or if you tell yourself “I’m a loser” when you are struggling with a project. Labelling people and things diminish and deplete their depth.

Have you ever heard someone say: “everything is always rubbish” or “nothing good ever happens”? That is what is meant with an overgeneralising thinking style. It’s when you see a pattern based upon a single event or being overly broad in the conclusions that you draw.

Disqualifying the positive is related to the biased way that people can process information. It is a mental response to a positive event that transforms it into a neutral or negative event.

People will tend to remember and hold on to something negative that someone said to them for years but dismiss or only feel good about something positive for a very short time.

You need to practise acknowledging and accepting positive feedback, and acknowledging good points about yourself, others and the world. If someone gives you a compliment – accept it and remember it!

This is also known as catastrophising and minimisation. It is taking a relatively minor negative event and imagining all sorts of disasters resulting from that one small event. Thus, blowing things out of proportion, or inappropriately shrinking something to make it seem less important.

Using critical words like “should”, “must” or “ought” can make us feel guilty or like we have already failed. It we apply “should” to other people the result is often frustration. It’s better to have a flexible thinking style. Instead of thinking, “I must do this all today”, try “I am going to do my best and see what I can do today”. It will take some of the pressure off your shoulders.

This one is a two-way sword. It either means you blame yourself and you take responsibility for something that wasn’t completely your fault or conversely, you blame others for something that was your fault.